today sucked... how could he do dat to me... doesnt he noe how i feel..
owel its not like it hasnt happened before but i mean still it hurts...today major sucked..and another thing am i paranoid?
well i guess i cant help dat...but i get freaked when ppl ignore me creeps me out and i start gettin all these warped images of the truth. is it jus me..
hehe a few ppl wished me a happy birthday in adv... kinda cool but mb i dunt wanna grow up..weird rite and like dats ever gonna happen.. well i dunno doesnt feel like a birthday and as u noe today sucked..
kay im blabberin..
but seriously why does he hafta do dat to me? does it make him happy to see me cry..? what does he get frm it all i noe he hates me he can just come and tell me to my face.. id serionusly appreciate dat compared to da torture hes puttin me thru...
and to hari... sorry bout ur pics not bein up.. its seriously nuthin personal i havent got a chance to do a second one...an ddere wasnt any space for it on this one.. i seriously did not mean to leave u guys out.. sigh.
bin depressed since yesterday..and i think she noes dat i li- okay mb not da best place to put it dose who noe wat im talkin boutt well ull noe wat i talkin bout...
why do i always hafta fall for da wrong guys...
*sigh*
always... its jus my luck and now im all confused cos i like him.. okay im so totALLi fallin for him but i shall never haf him lest da skies cloud over... on the other hand i still haf him and hes true and when im with him it jus feels so... special... but now hes gone and obviously does want anythin to do with me...i dunt blame him wat would he want with a person like me.. and he made it clear by crashin my hopes and doin wat he did... and i can onli stand dere and watch-well not realli watch cos i couldnt see him but still i get the pic but i cant forget him and i dunt see why i shud be actin dis way ive onli done it once before but dat guy was an untouchable... but this guy is a touchable but not a reachable... and da hope i had of at least tryin to reach was dashed thou it probably wouldnt haf had any effect given who i am but still at least there was a bit o hope dere...and now its all gone cos its bin made clear where i stand and i haf so fallen but theres nuthin i can do and even if i try summore dere'll probably be no responce and i might push him further and i noe im bein realli insecure and unconfident but i cant help it... its wat hes done to me.. and i jus wanna see him again but dat will never happen and its obvious dat he doesnt wanna see me.. and den i feel bad cos he and me are sorta u noe and i dunno wat to say if he asks and i jus feel realli guilty cos of the way i feel bout him but when hes not dere i completely feel indifferent but hes da one dats always dere and i shudent be doin dis to him but i cant help it...
*gasps for air*
uhh... does dat make me a bad person...?
guess it does and i still feel like shit... oh and i haf a note book dat got me thru a few tough times when i didnt haf a com... think ill put dem up here as memories...
shit is my brain realli dat messed up?
but its all true and now im all sad and i cant do anythin bout it but dream and dat doesnt help cos it just leaves me wantin more...why does everyone oso want wat i want - wat i realli want... and why does it always end up with anybody apart frm me? i shud be use to it had to deal with it all my life... yea esp with my sister... i so envy her shes sexy and real pretty and slim and smart and has it all together and everyone likes her... u get it rite..i noe i noe... ill never match up but i already noe dat but it still hurts to be second best at everythin esp with me bein so competitive... i shud be use to it and i realli luv my sis(no matter how much i try to deny it)=) and i realli admire her and all but i dunno... mb i jus wanna shine even more den her for a change...anyway bout before... i guess i shall find out soon enuff..
dammit fuck claras tarot cards for bein rite...so i guess i jus hafta leave it to faith... if he wants to see me he'll offer...
okay i said dat before in a certain diary entry ill put it up.. im goin nuts argh hell... watever
"psycotic hypnotic product.. i got da antibiotic.. aint nobody hotter and so on and yada yada... god i talk alot hem dilililala... ouchie wala wala.. umdee dada dada... but u gotta gotta.."- EMINEM
watever.. stick a fork in me, im done..
owel its not like it hasnt happened before but i mean still it hurts...today major sucked..and another thing am i paranoid?
well i guess i cant help dat...but i get freaked when ppl ignore me creeps me out and i start gettin all these warped images of the truth. is it jus me..
hehe a few ppl wished me a happy birthday in adv... kinda cool but mb i dunt wanna grow up..weird rite and like dats ever gonna happen.. well i dunno doesnt feel like a birthday and as u noe today sucked..
kay im blabberin..
but seriously why does he hafta do dat to me? does it make him happy to see me cry..? what does he get frm it all i noe he hates me he can just come and tell me to my face.. id serionusly appreciate dat compared to da torture hes puttin me thru...
and to hari... sorry bout ur pics not bein up.. its seriously nuthin personal i havent got a chance to do a second one...an ddere wasnt any space for it on this one.. i seriously did not mean to leave u guys out.. sigh.
bin depressed since yesterday..and i think she noes dat i li- okay mb not da best place to put it dose who noe wat im talkin boutt well ull noe wat i talkin bout...
why do i always hafta fall for da wrong guys...
*sigh*
always... its jus my luck and now im all confused cos i like him.. okay im so totALLi fallin for him but i shall never haf him lest da skies cloud over... on the other hand i still haf him and hes true and when im with him it jus feels so... special... but now hes gone and obviously does want anythin to do with me...i dunt blame him wat would he want with a person like me.. and he made it clear by crashin my hopes and doin wat he did... and i can onli stand dere and watch-well not realli watch cos i couldnt see him but still i get the pic but i cant forget him and i dunt see why i shud be actin dis way ive onli done it once before but dat guy was an untouchable... but this guy is a touchable but not a reachable... and da hope i had of at least tryin to reach was dashed thou it probably wouldnt haf had any effect given who i am but still at least there was a bit o hope dere...and now its all gone cos its bin made clear where i stand and i haf so fallen but theres nuthin i can do and even if i try summore dere'll probably be no responce and i might push him further and i noe im bein realli insecure and unconfident but i cant help it... its wat hes done to me.. and i jus wanna see him again but dat will never happen and its obvious dat he doesnt wanna see me.. and den i feel bad cos he and me are sorta u noe and i dunno wat to say if he asks and i jus feel realli guilty cos of the way i feel bout him but when hes not dere i completely feel indifferent but hes da one dats always dere and i shudent be doin dis to him but i cant help it...
*gasps for air*
uhh... does dat make me a bad person...?
guess it does and i still feel like shit... oh and i haf a note book dat got me thru a few tough times when i didnt haf a com... think ill put dem up here as memories...
shit is my brain realli dat messed up?
but its all true and now im all sad and i cant do anythin bout it but dream and dat doesnt help cos it just leaves me wantin more...why does everyone oso want wat i want - wat i realli want... and why does it always end up with anybody apart frm me? i shud be use to it had to deal with it all my life... yea esp with my sister... i so envy her shes sexy and real pretty and slim and smart and has it all together and everyone likes her... u get it rite..i noe i noe... ill never match up but i already noe dat but it still hurts to be second best at everythin esp with me bein so competitive... i shud be use to it and i realli luv my sis(no matter how much i try to deny it)=) and i realli admire her and all but i dunno... mb i jus wanna shine even more den her for a change...anyway bout before... i guess i shall find out soon enuff..
dammit fuck claras tarot cards for bein rite...so i guess i jus hafta leave it to faith... if he wants to see me he'll offer...
okay i said dat before in a certain diary entry ill put it up.. im goin nuts argh hell... watever
"psycotic hypnotic product.. i got da antibiotic.. aint nobody hotter and so on and yada yada... god i talk alot hem dilililala... ouchie wala wala.. umdee dada dada... but u gotta gotta.."- EMINEM
watever.. stick a fork in me, im done..
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