gah...started work today it was cool dey were all realli impressed with me and it was much better den dat stupid one in raffles city with all da nasty old auntys...
yea and my collegue is realli cute.. like hes realli funny as well sorta sarcastic humour forgot wats its called...
tired like hell forgot wat its like to stand on ur feet da whole time..gawd.
den after dat went to barrys house for dinner... sumthin bout it bein his partners bday today and his bdae on tues.. so yea it was shit and like no one was tokin to us at first yea buit later one we all started conversin more.. and thank fuckin god dere was booze...
i was like goin insane with no alcohol... not dat i esp like alcohol and its not like ive ever gotten so drunk dat i woke up with some huge hangover its jus like i mean all dagood times ive had recently was wen i was drinkin and yea i have dis crazee idea dat if i drink den ill be havin a good time cos i normally do... and yea it like jus makes me remember all dose nice sorta tipsy nites on da boat...*SiGH*
yea so i wanna get drunk and hell i needed it.. had to like explain one by one to everyone dere dat we werent frm here... and yada yada and our position and everyone tellin me its gonna get better... hell i tell u by da time id gotten thru 3 of dose i realli needed dat margerita..
like its bad enuff havin to go thru it... but i dunt exactly wanna relive it again and again and again thru tellin it to other ppl again and again and again..
yea and deir all so annoyin bout it... like i noe dat deir tryin to be nice but deir jus like so...grrr. like yea rite its gonna get better... and u noe like i hafta smile and say yea ive got loadsa frens and watch deir faces go like da 'whoa' expressoin like oh my god u mean dis... pathetic lil bloody asian gurl has big shot kiwi frens?CANT BE
fuck yall man...yea now i guess im jus sorta semi crashin frm da drinks so dunt mind me...and jus suddenly feel so depressed.. like realli realli down.. dunnno why i jus wanna be home now more den ever like i jus wanna turn up at home and i dunno.. jus show up and yea jus like show up at skool to... im so afraid dat everythin will fade... like dat i wont be able to remember every detail of my life before dis fuckin country
screw yea
think im sufferrin frm wayy to lil sleep... like da past few days ive bin sleepin at 3 and wakin up at 7 and i tot i was gonna catch up on sleep in da weekend... den got work better still must now wake up at 5... yea and im still sleepin late and i dunt sleep well keep gettin nightmares.. gah
i noe dis sounds weird but i wanna be here cos i dunt wanna hafta deal with all dat shit but by bein here im jus sorta promotin shit and i wanna haf an opportunity for more but i guess it depends on wat matter more and whetther da more is the sumthin dat matters more or jus sumthin more..and it seems easy but no one understand it cos dere is no one like me and if i go where dere are ppl like me i shall still be codemned and if i dunt wanna be like me i shall codemn myself and i jus cant do it i noe da world cant be happy but i dunt understand why and i noe im jus like bein stupid and obssessive compulsive sorta type but wat botu wat matters to me i want sumthin dat i wont lose a safety net and a gaurantee(sp?) but ill never get dat cos its impossible btu i hafta be able to dream but i cant realli dream wen i noe dat itll never come true and dat ill get burned if it doesnt come true but i dunt lose no nuthin den its no shit done but i haf loads to lose and i well we always seem to lose... why cant we win watever did i fuckin do to u... why me i even dunt noe but dat can be changed somehow...
screw
yea and my collegue is realli cute.. like hes realli funny as well sorta sarcastic humour forgot wats its called...
tired like hell forgot wat its like to stand on ur feet da whole time..gawd.
den after dat went to barrys house for dinner... sumthin bout it bein his partners bday today and his bdae on tues.. so yea it was shit and like no one was tokin to us at first yea buit later one we all started conversin more.. and thank fuckin god dere was booze...
i was like goin insane with no alcohol... not dat i esp like alcohol and its not like ive ever gotten so drunk dat i woke up with some huge hangover its jus like i mean all dagood times ive had recently was wen i was drinkin and yea i have dis crazee idea dat if i drink den ill be havin a good time cos i normally do... and yea it like jus makes me remember all dose nice sorta tipsy nites on da boat...*SiGH*
yea so i wanna get drunk and hell i needed it.. had to like explain one by one to everyone dere dat we werent frm here... and yada yada and our position and everyone tellin me its gonna get better... hell i tell u by da time id gotten thru 3 of dose i realli needed dat margerita..
like its bad enuff havin to go thru it... but i dunt exactly wanna relive it again and again and again thru tellin it to other ppl again and again and again..
yea and deir all so annoyin bout it... like i noe dat deir tryin to be nice but deir jus like so...grrr. like yea rite its gonna get better... and u noe like i hafta smile and say yea ive got loadsa frens and watch deir faces go like da 'whoa' expressoin like oh my god u mean dis... pathetic lil bloody asian gurl has big shot kiwi frens?CANT BE
fuck yall man...yea now i guess im jus sorta semi crashin frm da drinks so dunt mind me...and jus suddenly feel so depressed.. like realli realli down.. dunnno why i jus wanna be home now more den ever like i jus wanna turn up at home and i dunno.. jus show up and yea jus like show up at skool to... im so afraid dat everythin will fade... like dat i wont be able to remember every detail of my life before dis fuckin country
screw yea
think im sufferrin frm wayy to lil sleep... like da past few days ive bin sleepin at 3 and wakin up at 7 and i tot i was gonna catch up on sleep in da weekend... den got work better still must now wake up at 5... yea and im still sleepin late and i dunt sleep well keep gettin nightmares.. gah
i noe dis sounds weird but i wanna be here cos i dunt wanna hafta deal with all dat shit but by bein here im jus sorta promotin shit and i wanna haf an opportunity for more but i guess it depends on wat matter more and whetther da more is the sumthin dat matters more or jus sumthin more..and it seems easy but no one understand it cos dere is no one like me and if i go where dere are ppl like me i shall still be codemned and if i dunt wanna be like me i shall codemn myself and i jus cant do it i noe da world cant be happy but i dunt understand why and i noe im jus like bein stupid and obssessive compulsive sorta type but wat botu wat matters to me i want sumthin dat i wont lose a safety net and a gaurantee(sp?) but ill never get dat cos its impossible btu i hafta be able to dream but i cant realli dream wen i noe dat itll never come true and dat ill get burned if it doesnt come true but i dunt lose no nuthin den its no shit done but i haf loads to lose and i well we always seem to lose... why cant we win watever did i fuckin do to u... why me i even dunt noe but dat can be changed somehow...
screw
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