bout time too.
im in a real weird mood. tryin to get a hold of myself but its not workin. never does.
okay wait i think im scared. not sure but i think so its last year all over again.
i swear if i go thru wat i went thru last year ill scream and commit suicide.
no realli..
da first six months of last year were pure torture. things i cudent control and things happenin around me that jus... yea stayin with tiara and both of us jus gettin increasingly depresed off each other as we shared horror stories.
feelin so shit. jus thinkin bout it makes me wanna break down.
and how stuff here still affected me even though it shudent have. i hated dat. hated it more den anythin. guess i didnt realli let it show. never do with important things but..
[deep breath]
so anyway. da later half was gettin better and da last quarter has bin wonderful.
but i feel like theres no closure to last year. i dunno like this doesnt realli feeel like its a fresh page i jus feel like its another day another day in time.
not
da FIRST day of a NEW YEAR!!!*waves hands round*
it jus doesnt hit me hasnt hit me yet.
ill blame it all on last year. ill blame anythin on anythin if i can but seriously i blame one year and one day ago [exactly].. such a good year's start it was like a movie with da climax jus after da openin credits.
after dat it all went downhill.
why?
cos of such a major change
...till of course i found my footing.
so now?
major change... new year.. wait i think im seein a sorta trend here.
GAH~
didnt celebrate. not realli spent it with ppl close to me i care bout.[save jake =( ] but yea it was cool. didnt end up goin out which im not sore bout at all was worriyin bout goin out with dat crowd. jus slightly. yea and we got my bro wasted off his ass so we cud make him go to sleep real easy. and for da fun of it.
"HEY! dunt look at me like im heartless and immoral. he didnt even pass out.. besides, its not lie we havent bin feedin him alcohol and drugs since he was like 2 to try and get him to go to bed. i love him i do.. realli. im da kind sister im supposed to be.. im doin him a FAVOUR"
yea and den we ordered pizza [i swear i can benchmark my life with pizza] and da guy was like we haf a problem.
a problem u say oh horror of horrors.
"please dunt say ur closed. if ur closed i swear ill kill myself.."
[response]"uhh mam first thing i advise u please dunt kill urself we are not closed but itll take ages."
fuck dat i think, so we get pizza elsewhere..
a nice nite it was went to bed round four i think.. it was all a blur.
peaceful? hmm i guess.
good? definitely up dere.
so now wats wrong?
i have no fuckin clue.
freaked? i dunno maybe.. slightly
scared bout da future? yea
it all seems so unorganised.. and so surreal. i mean like i cant see wats goin to be happenin happen. and i hate dat i noe hardly anythin botu it. its not like i dunt want to noe. its not like im not old nuff to noe. its jus im not told. like im a kid like i cant take havin to do without or grow to accept.
so i jus wanna get away from all da confusion from all da pandemonium.
wanna go where i will be supported no matter.
where im not doubted and where ppl listen to wat i say. where.... oh fuck i dunno. big dreams?
id say. but jus cos its keepin an open mind dat doesnt mean u hafta diss it.
messy messy business. i want i want i wannnnnntt.
we hates you all..
dunt speak. jus run..
a good thing we might not be in sydney for dat long if at all.. which means ill be home faster. home bein unspecified.
i jus wanna.. i cant say no more..
dunt wanna do it but it jus gives such release. makes da anger go away makes me feel calmer.
its dat or drink myself into oblivion
or i guess become a mindless druggie
or jus kill myself
so many option so lil time.
right im babling ill shut it..
im in a real weird mood. tryin to get a hold of myself but its not workin. never does.
okay wait i think im scared. not sure but i think so its last year all over again.
i swear if i go thru wat i went thru last year ill scream and commit suicide.
no realli..
da first six months of last year were pure torture. things i cudent control and things happenin around me that jus... yea stayin with tiara and both of us jus gettin increasingly depresed off each other as we shared horror stories.
and how stuff here still affected me even though it shudent have. i hated dat. hated it more den anythin. guess i didnt realli let it show. never do with important things but..
[deep breath]
so anyway. da later half was gettin better and da last quarter has bin wonderful.
but i feel like theres no closure to last year. i dunno like this doesnt realli feeel like its a fresh page i jus feel like its another day another day in time.
not
da FIRST day of a NEW YEAR!!!*waves hands round*
it jus doesnt hit me hasnt hit me yet.
ill blame it all on last year. ill blame anythin on anythin if i can but seriously i blame one year and one day ago [exactly].. such a good year's start it was like a movie with da climax jus after da openin credits.
after dat it all went downhill.
why?
cos of such a major change
...till of course i found my footing.
so now?
major change... new year.. wait i think im seein a sorta trend here.
GAH~
didnt celebrate. not realli spent it with ppl close to me i care bout.[save jake =( ] but yea it was cool. didnt end up goin out which im not sore bout at all was worriyin bout goin out with dat crowd. jus slightly. yea and we got my bro wasted off his ass so we cud make him go to sleep real easy. and for da fun of it.
"HEY! dunt look at me like im heartless and immoral. he didnt even pass out.. besides, its not lie we havent bin feedin him alcohol and drugs since he was like 2 to try and get him to go to bed. i love him i do.. realli. im da kind sister im supposed to be.. im doin him a FAVOUR"
yea and den we ordered pizza [i swear i can benchmark my life with pizza] and da guy was like we haf a problem.
a problem u say oh horror of horrors.
"please dunt say ur closed. if ur closed i swear ill kill myself.."
[response]"uhh mam first thing i advise u please dunt kill urself we are not closed but itll take ages."
fuck dat i think, so we get pizza elsewhere..
a nice nite it was went to bed round four i think.. it was all a blur.
peaceful? hmm i guess.
good? definitely up dere.
so now wats wrong?
i have no fuckin clue.
freaked? i dunno maybe.. slightly
scared bout da future? yea
it all seems so unorganised.. and so surreal. i mean like i cant see wats goin to be happenin happen. and i hate dat i noe hardly anythin botu it. its not like i dunt want to noe. its not like im not old nuff to noe. its jus im not told. like im a kid like i cant take havin to do without or grow to accept.
so i jus wanna get away from all da confusion from all da pandemonium.
wanna go where i will be supported no matter.
where im not doubted and where ppl listen to wat i say. where.... oh fuck i dunno. big dreams?
id say. but jus cos its keepin an open mind dat doesnt mean u hafta diss it.
messy messy business. i want i want i wannnnnntt.
we hates you all..
dunt speak. jus run..
a good thing we might not be in sydney for dat long if at all.. which means ill be home faster. home bein unspecified.
i jus wanna.. i cant say no more..
its dat or drink myself into oblivion
or i guess become a mindless druggie
or jus kill myself
so many option so lil time.
right im babling ill shut it..
1 Comments:
umm i actualli meant da image a bit darker.. but i think goth-y images are a plus too. and like a scratchy bkgrd wud be nice like where its black make it like wat i did for da borders of da thing i sent u
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