i dont know wat to think anymore i use to.. i use to think i knew it all. but i dunt i mean i always knew that i didnt realli know but at least i thought i knew wen it came to things i should know about..
but i dunt. not anymore i just dunt know i dunt know wat to think i dunt wanna think and i dunt want anyone else to think.
impossible?
definitely.
i dunt even know wat i wanna say its bin crazy and its bin weird and i think i feel a routine here. i know wat i should do and i know wat i want to do and i know wat should happen and wat will happen but i just dunt know wat to think and i feel so..
distanced.
i playing a part. im always playin a part. theres always some calculation, some reference to every move every step, there is no connection though. i cud but i dunt.
why?
just in case...
wat would it mean to me? well it would mean sumthin different, it wud mean sumthin changing a routine blown to pieces.
maybe i thrive off routines god knows i dont like change i can accept it but i dunt like it. it never did me any good at all. all it does is throw u out of your element and leave u to pick up the pieces and try and fit the together.. its not like there are any new pieces jus a million old ones and a few newer ones that all look exactly the same and all dont realli seem to belong.
a million jigsaw pieces..from different sets all thrown into a communal box.
im not obsessive compulsive i jus like a basic order in my life. everyone wants order its only natural. but to be so offset.. maybe i am. i just dunt know anymore..
i need to get a foot ain and start concentrating.. i need to stop doing things without thinkin them thru til the very end. but its calculative behavior like that that i simply cannot stomach.
why why whould u want to do nuthin? what joy do u get from that?
but then again what sorrow do u get from that?
no emotions. nuthin.
i dunt think i could live like that.. no drive nuthin jus a void as u walk from point A to point B and back again and back again..
i feel.....
scared.
vulnerable.
insecure.
frustrated.
i feel pain.
but i still laugh over the small surface thing i still smile and still manage to have a good time no and then. and sumtimes im swept away. sumtimes i feel like nuthin except the moment matters. but the the moment passes.
and i still feel pain.
i want to go back to singapore i want to escape to some where that is familiar and comfortable, somewhere where i know the way things work. where i do not have to participate in any of the surface everyday bustle, where i can just sit back and watch. finally be one in the audience.
i want a holiday.
I’ve still got your face
Painted on my heart
Scrawled upon my soul
Etched upon my memory, baby
I’ve got your kiss
Still burning on my lips
The touch of my fingertips
This love so deep inside of me, baby
-Painted on my Heart, The Cult
now jus fade away
but i dunt. not anymore i just dunt know i dunt know wat to think i dunt wanna think and i dunt want anyone else to think.
impossible?
definitely.
i dunt even know wat i wanna say its bin crazy and its bin weird and i think i feel a routine here. i know wat i should do and i know wat i want to do and i know wat should happen and wat will happen but i just dunt know wat to think and i feel so..
distanced.
i playing a part. im always playin a part. theres always some calculation, some reference to every move every step, there is no connection though. i cud but i dunt.
why?
just in case...
wat would it mean to me? well it would mean sumthin different, it wud mean sumthin changing a routine blown to pieces.
maybe i thrive off routines god knows i dont like change i can accept it but i dunt like it. it never did me any good at all. all it does is throw u out of your element and leave u to pick up the pieces and try and fit the together.. its not like there are any new pieces jus a million old ones and a few newer ones that all look exactly the same and all dont realli seem to belong.
a million jigsaw pieces..from different sets all thrown into a communal box.
im not obsessive compulsive i jus like a basic order in my life. everyone wants order its only natural. but to be so offset.. maybe i am. i just dunt know anymore..
i need to get a foot ain and start concentrating.. i need to stop doing things without thinkin them thru til the very end. but its calculative behavior like that that i simply cannot stomach.
why why whould u want to do nuthin? what joy do u get from that?
but then again what sorrow do u get from that?
no emotions. nuthin.
i dunt think i could live like that.. no drive nuthin jus a void as u walk from point A to point B and back again and back again..
i feel.....
scared.
vulnerable.
insecure.
frustrated.
i feel pain.
but i still laugh over the small surface thing i still smile and still manage to have a good time no and then. and sumtimes im swept away. sumtimes i feel like nuthin except the moment matters. but the the moment passes.
and i still feel pain.
i want to go back to singapore i want to escape to some where that is familiar and comfortable, somewhere where i know the way things work. where i do not have to participate in any of the surface everyday bustle, where i can just sit back and watch. finally be one in the audience.
i want a holiday.
I’ve still got your face
Painted on my heart
Scrawled upon my soul
Etched upon my memory, baby
I’ve got your kiss
Still burning on my lips
The touch of my fingertips
This love so deep inside of me, baby
-Painted on my Heart, The Cult
now jus fade away
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