its the last day of my holidays...
its been crazy and interesting did pretty much everything i wanted to do and im satisfied and (almost) ready to return to the real world.
i've been clean for 2 whole months.. no weed no nothing just alot of bumpin and grindin =)
dont know what the new year hold alost apprehensive about my return i know i have a major credit card bill to pay off (fuck)
but i also have something else.. or should i say someone.. i still dont know if this is a good idea..
was looking through ej's blog and found this:
Kenny is funny.
And I don't mean the south-park character.
He's this guy from Del's workplace.
He's got a tats as well, and we click.
I'm not sure about him going out with Del though.
Not because he's not good enough for her, but because Del is enjoying her non-attachment flirting rampage too much right now to think about a serious relationship and I'm just afraid Kenny is going to get hurt.
This was when ej first met him lol wat a lifetime ago. it was true though. i knew i wanted him but at the same time i just didnt give a fuck. period. what i did who i hurt. nothing.
did a lot of stupid things last year and this was the one thing that was not black o white. barely even grey... more of a spectrum.
never been in a situation like that ever before. and everyone was saying exactly what i was thinking. pull out but the stubborness that is del decided to hang on for jus a lil bit longer.. just to see what might turn out.. of course nothing could ever come of nothing. i shouldnt even bother hoping. which is why i suppose i kept hanging in there.
i was defying reality it couldn't last and then rightly so, everything changed again. im stronger than all of this, i think.. i should have just said 'you know what? fuck it.. im sick of this limbo shit' but i didnt have the rights to so i kept hanging
and then i started getting a lil closer and fell into step and push came to shove and there was a lot of talking. my disclaimer. toes got a little wet and then jumped in
still dont know if its a good idea.. its so right and so what i want but you never get what you want right and nothing lasts forever so it cant be right. i've wanted it for so long but at the same time fought it, within myself.
i am afraid of hurting and getting hurt. bin there done that.. which is why i was following ej's theory of one-night stands...
but i suppose time will tell and the feeling for the moment is like walking on water. i feel spoilt and adopted almost
so anyway interesting times ahead i guess. i believe last year was a year of discovery for me.
hopefully this will be one of progression
aim to just do what i have to do to get by. my only resolution is to get kenny to teach me to drive.. lol i made him swear a million times; whether or not it will be in his car is still debatable.
just step by step no juming to taking other paths.. its easy baby steps..
cutting down on the drugs as well for a good part of last year i was stoned everyday of the week, month, seasons
of course... i say this now... lol but it definitely will not get in the way of my studies or work. gonna be punctual.
and gonna enjoy it.
overall this has been exactly what i needed. something from my life before and something from my life ahead in a neutral enviroment to save my life, that was the now, from spiralling out of control.
green plastic watering fucking cans.
the second chapter has begun... the path lies ahead. a little hesitant testing the ground with one foot and the slowly putting it down more firmly.. its safe to move forward, with a squaring of the shoulders and a look to the horizon, begin whistling a trekkers tune and march on.
... said the chicken...
And she did
*hehe*
im making no sense right now forgive me it is now the early hours f the morning and i have to be up in less than 3 hrs to get on a fucking plane to Ork-land. not just your normal trip either. This happens to be a 3day 2night affair. I will remain silent for this entire period. Amazing huh? Coming from me. Got a gang to send me off tomorrow. For god's sake i hope someone bring a camera.
Anyway time for a ciggy them of to bed for everyone i didnt get to see, next time i suppose
now bite me
(i hope to god kenny can pick me up... don think i can handle much more travelling after that affair)
if u read this and u cant, then ill have to kill you ^.^ ......... in bed lol
bite me
its been crazy and interesting did pretty much everything i wanted to do and im satisfied and (almost) ready to return to the real world.
i've been clean for 2 whole months.. no weed no nothing just alot of bumpin and grindin =)
dont know what the new year hold alost apprehensive about my return i know i have a major credit card bill to pay off (fuck)
but i also have something else.. or should i say someone.. i still dont know if this is a good idea..
was looking through ej's blog and found this:
Kenny is funny.
And I don't mean the south-park character.
He's this guy from Del's workplace.
He's got a tats as well, and we click.
I'm not sure about him going out with Del though.
Not because he's not good enough for her, but because Del is enjoying her non-attachment flirting rampage too much right now to think about a serious relationship and I'm just afraid Kenny is going to get hurt.
This was when ej first met him lol wat a lifetime ago. it was true though. i knew i wanted him but at the same time i just didnt give a fuck. period. what i did who i hurt. nothing.
did a lot of stupid things last year and this was the one thing that was not black o white. barely even grey... more of a spectrum.
never been in a situation like that ever before. and everyone was saying exactly what i was thinking. pull out but the stubborness that is del decided to hang on for jus a lil bit longer.. just to see what might turn out.. of course nothing could ever come of nothing. i shouldnt even bother hoping. which is why i suppose i kept hanging in there.
i was defying reality it couldn't last and then rightly so, everything changed again. im stronger than all of this, i think.. i should have just said 'you know what? fuck it.. im sick of this limbo shit' but i didnt have the rights to so i kept hanging
and then i started getting a lil closer and fell into step and push came to shove and there was a lot of talking. my disclaimer. toes got a little wet and then jumped in
still dont know if its a good idea.. its so right and so what i want but you never get what you want right and nothing lasts forever so it cant be right. i've wanted it for so long but at the same time fought it, within myself.
i am afraid of hurting and getting hurt. bin there done that.. which is why i was following ej's theory of one-night stands...
but i suppose time will tell and the feeling for the moment is like walking on water. i feel spoilt and adopted almost
so anyway interesting times ahead i guess. i believe last year was a year of discovery for me.
hopefully this will be one of progression
aim to just do what i have to do to get by. my only resolution is to get kenny to teach me to drive.. lol i made him swear a million times; whether or not it will be in his car is still debatable.
just step by step no juming to taking other paths.. its easy baby steps..
cutting down on the drugs as well for a good part of last year i was stoned everyday of the week, month, seasons
of course... i say this now... lol but it definitely will not get in the way of my studies or work. gonna be punctual.
and gonna enjoy it.
overall this has been exactly what i needed. something from my life before and something from my life ahead in a neutral enviroment to save my life, that was the now, from spiralling out of control.
green plastic watering fucking cans.
the second chapter has begun... the path lies ahead. a little hesitant testing the ground with one foot and the slowly putting it down more firmly.. its safe to move forward, with a squaring of the shoulders and a look to the horizon, begin whistling a trekkers tune and march on.
... said the chicken...
And she did
*hehe*
im making no sense right now forgive me it is now the early hours f the morning and i have to be up in less than 3 hrs to get on a fucking plane to Ork-land. not just your normal trip either. This happens to be a 3day 2night affair. I will remain silent for this entire period. Amazing huh? Coming from me. Got a gang to send me off tomorrow. For god's sake i hope someone bring a camera.
Anyway time for a ciggy them of to bed for everyone i didnt get to see, next time i suppose
now bite me
(i hope to god kenny can pick me up... don think i can handle much more travelling after that affair)
if u read this and u cant, then ill have to kill you ^.^ ......... in bed lol
bite me
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